Characters.

Recently I have been hooked by Running Man.
I watch at least 3 episodes a day.
4.5 hours burned everyday.
It's okay.
I believe I can make it :)

Anyway, that is not the main point.
I actually started off by watching the recent episodes but after watching the most recent one, I decided to start from episode 1.

So in episode 1, the hosts in Running Man were unfamiliar with each other.
Well, some probably knew each other and are close with each other but some were pure variety show newbie.
So, there is actually this guy name Lee Kwang Soo.
When I was watching the recent episodes, I was like, wth, this guy like so dumb dumb one.
He is not a person that is capable of doing physical stuff or even mentally challenged stuff.
He was just tall, funny and just being himself.

But then, when I actually went back to the beginning of Running Man, I realized that he was actually a very polite person.
He really respected the elderly and was just genuinely interested in what he was doing.
He tried really hard to ensure that his team would win and tried not to disappoint them.
He was one of the newbie back then and because he wasn't close to anyone in the show, he often kept his thoughts to himself and most of the time was being unheard in the team.

Then I realized, actually his personality is kind of the same as mine?
If I was grouped in an unfamiliar group, all I would do is keep quiet and let other more dominant people do the talking.
I would only speak when I was given the opportunity and even if I had the opportunity, I would think twice before speaking.
Filter what I am thinking and then filter again when I am speaking.

And then in the recent episodes, obviously he is closer to the whole hosts group and felt comfortable around them.
I can actually see the huge difference between the first few episodes and the current ones.
In the recent episodes, he is more opened to criticisms and actually dare to open his mouth and speak his thoughts whenever he feels necessary or even when it was unnecessary. LOL.
And then I immediately think of the group of friends I have in college where I am definitely comfortable around them and AT LEAST I dare to speak my thoughts out.

It is really important to have friends which you feel comfortable around and do not need to think so much when you speak.
It's like, even shit also just say lah.
But then at times it is just difficult to find the perfect friend lah.

Anyway, I miss team building activities.
I really love them, especially sports.
Netball, captain ball and relay running.

Back then in secondary school, I used to take part in the 4x100m and 4x400m runs for Sports Day and that is the only time where I would be super close to friends that are not from the first few classes.
I noticed that they are very flexible and they go all out for sports and I love people that love sports.
I do not like people who doesn't like sports.
When you win something because of teamwork and the effort of every member in the team, the glory you feel is beyond anyone's imagination.
It is like trying your best and relying on others at the same time and you know that they will not disappoint you.
& when you win, it feels really really great!
Though solo runs are good too but team relay running is way better!
I really miss Sports Day. :(
I actually was in the same 4x100m and 4x400m team for at least 3 consecutive years if I am not mistaken.
The teachers do not need to choose the main team cause basically we volunteer ourselves as a group though we might not be from the same class and during school days we don't even talk or look at each other. LOL.
The irony.
How sports bring people together :)

When even writing don't solve the issue.

Bad day.
Super moody.
Well, at least I got to meet one of my favourite lecturer and had lunch with a really good friend.
But when I try to weigh the positive and negative things that happened to me today.
The bad things outweigh the good ones :(

Or probably I am just too tired.
I feel really really exhausted.
I yawned like so many freaking times today while walking around Midvalley.

There's so much I want to write about.
But sometimes things are better left unsaid.
I am having an emotional flood in me.

I want someone to talk to me and tell me something I WANT TO HEAR, not something that I don't wanna hear.

Ijustwannasleepfor24hours,bythenitwouldbe11.40pmonSundayandeveryonewouldprobablybeasleepandthenextdaywouldbeMondaywhereIwouldbehomealoneandnoonewouldfindme,talktome,orbeconcernedaboutme.WhatIsaidinoneofmypreviouspostwasveryright.Evenwithoutme,theworldwouldstillbespinning.

For now, I am deleting the colour yellow from my life.
Please do not get me anything that is yellow in colour.

Perjalanan.

At times,

it is confidence that makes you stand out, not beauty.

It is not the ending that matter,

it is the journey that makes the ending worthwhile.

STRUGGLES.

Thoughts, they can go wild.

The other day, one of my friend actually came up to me with something and out of that conversation, she was actually trying to tell me that:

Why fall in love with someone when in the end you're just going to lose that person?

At the moment when she told me this, I was so close to agreeing to it but then after that I have been doing some thinking.

Falling in love or not is something out of our control.

1. Someone might fall in love with you but you might not love that person back.

2. You might fall in love with one person but that person might not love you back.

3. You might have mutual feelings with another person but the timing just isn't right.

4. You might have mutual feelings with another person, the timing is just right but neither one has the courage to say it out.

Which is worst?

When you try avoiding something because there is a possibility of facing a negative consequence, then it is better you don't do anything at all.

Because every action we take might either lead to a positive or a negative impact. For example, when we wake up in the morning, the day might be good or bad.

In conclusion, if you are holding on to the above theory,

Why live, when you know that one day you are going to die.

Natural Chemistry.

Chemistry.
It is something that cannot be forced.
It is natural.
Like how positive attracts negative and if put two of the same together, they repel.

It is not easy to find people in the world, or even one person that can have that natural chemistry that can immediately seal a bond between you and that person.

When I was doing my internship, I realized that there are people in this world that just doesn't "click" with some people.
It is like, no matter how hard you try to reach out or compromise with that person, the two of us are like a parallel line that cannot meet, cannot compromise, cannot agree or basically are not on the same channel.

If you sit together with another person and topics of small talks just naturally comes in your head and you feel comfortable talking about even the crappiest things, it means you and the other person have natural chemistry.

I like people who have the same frequency as me.
We can just sit in a coffee shop or anywhere and just talk or most probably crap the whole day.

Out of topic kejap.
Have you ever met someone that you think is a very good person even though you don't know them?

At times, I have this bad habit of being kiasu around my friends.
I want to be better than them in all ways. LOL.
But then some times, I meet people that I barely know and yet I think they are like so good in many ways and I like them for that.
Last year I met a girl, a friend's friend who eventually became my friend.
And I like super like her, as a friend.
She is one of the many people that I don't compare myself with and I always tell myself that she is so pretty and cute. HAHAHAHA.
And I just genuinely like her?
LOL. Now I sound like a lesbo :o
No, not lesbo.

Okay, nevermind.

Lipsticks!

Recently I am quite into lipsticks or lip balms that are with colours!

So I actually came across this website called Best Buy World Malaysia.

I actually came across it several years back but never actually purchased anything from there before.

They are selling their items at below market price.

Some are a lot cheaper than outside, some are slightly cheaper but all in all, CHEAPER!

So they are currently having sales!

& the ones that caught my attention were their lipsticks!

I actually bought 3 of them.

*GREEDY, I know!

Best Buy World Malaysia's delivery is super fast!

I actually ordered on Monday and the items arrived on Wednesday!

Impressive!

Let me show you pictures of the lipsticks!

 Tadaaaahh!

From left Estee Lauder's Pure Colour Crystal Lipstick #C5 Wild Orchid (Shimmer), #11 Crystal Coral (Creme) and Clinique's Long Last Lipstick #Water-melon.

 They are actually on sales!

From left RM12, RM16 and RM18.

Where else can you get Estee Lauder and Clinique's lipstick at such a bargain right?

Lets see the inside!

 This is without flash!

And this one is with flash!

The Clinique one is super niceeee!

I actually tried all on but did not take any pictures.

All of them are actually very nice.

You won't feel dry after putting them on.

Great colour.

Does not taste bad.

Moisturizing.

Kinda makes your lips look fuller :D

As whether it is long lasting or not, I am not sure because I only tested it on a while and then rubbed it off.

Can't wait to really put it on and go out to see if it lasts!

Those who are loves lipsticks, go buyyyyy! :D

Oh well, life goes on.

Have been seeing too many of this sentence. 

"Oh well, life goes on."

Oh btw, graduating in 9 days time :D

Don't know whether should be happy or sad.

Hmm, what I wanna do after finals.

I want to try TARC restaurant.

YES.

When the new semester starts, I shall go and have lunch there :D

Countdown:

9 days.

When a homeless guy sits in front of you. What do you do?

I was on my way back from KLCC.
So I was waiting for the usual bus at Bandar Tasik Selatan.
It was sunny at the bus stop.
The shades couldn't stop the sun.
So I sat on the grass, near a pole where it was shady.
Another reason I did not sit at the bus stop was because I spot a homeless man that to me, was a risky move to sit beside him.
I was sitting there minding my own business and waiting for the bus for about 20 minutes until the homeless man stood up and walked pass me.
But then, he walked back towards me and sat right in front of me, leaning on the pole in front of me.
I was like, "Shyt, stay calm and look the other side. Ignore, stay calm, don't show any reaction."
So that was what I did for the whole like 2 minutes, until he started talking to me!!

Homeless man: Xiao Jie, ni shi Xiang Gang ren?
Me: *Ignore level up!
Homeless man: Xiao Jie? Xiao Jie!!
Me: Hmm? What? *Look at him with a confused face
Homeless man: Ni shi Xiang Gang ren shi marh?
Me: Err, I don't understand.
Homeless man: You no speak Chinese? Speak English?
Me: Erm, yes yes. I don't know Chinese.
Homeless man: Oh. Why you don't know Chinese?
Me: I didn't learn.
Homeless man: Ohh, where you from?
Me: Cheras.
Homeless man: Ohh. Malay? Japan?
Me: Yes yes. *I don't know, I just want the conversation to end ASAP

Okay, so finally he stopped talking.
He took out a cigarette and smoked.
I thought, okay, repeat the same thing, look the other way and stay calm.

THEN HE STARTED TALKING TO ME AGAINNNNNN!

Homeless man: What is your name? *he actually said name as "lim" or something that sounds like that
Me: Errr, what?
Homeless man: What is your "lim"? Your "lim"? Errr, like Cawan or Mohammad. Your "lim".
Me: Errrr, I don't understand. *Thinking of giving him a fake name but I was wearing my student ID, wth. So I acted as if I don't understand what he said
Homeless man: Nevermind.... *gave up and walked away

I don't know what I did was correct or wrong.
Some people might think "dude, kesian that fella larh weyh."
But seriously, what was on my mind was, what if this guy actually robbed me or what, would the people around me just look and mind their own business or would they actually lend a helping hand?
I don't wanna take the risk.
When I am out alone, I usually give others the "I am a freaking strong person" face and the "please do not disturb me, I am pissed off" face.

Risk averse person here.
It's okay to act dumb once in a while.
Other people don't need to know your capability.

:)

Mimi & I appeared on The Star newspaper!

As titled,

Super huge one because this may be a once in a lifetime experience :)

You suka or tak suka, I still suka :DD

Take one step back and wonder.

When you realise that even without your presence,
the world is still spinning,
the clock is still ticking,
and everyone else is still living.

Stages in life.

It has been quite some time since I last seen your face.
And the feelings I have towards you seems to slowly fade.
I always try my best to bump into you but I guess we do not have fate.

Call me crazy, call me silly.
But we all know that love is blind and humans fall in love very easily.

It has been more than a month.

The college is so freaking small but still we never meet.

Well, life goes on.

Can you live in TAR College without Mandarin?

First of all, I come from the Kebangsaan(national) school.

I actually learnt Mandarin in Tadika but I guess I gave it all back to my Mandarin language teacher?

Well, during primary school I don't know if I know or don't know Mandarin because I basically speak Bahasa Melayu in school.

We don't even speak English to each other.

That's why my English is so-so only.

And that is the reason why my brother and I ended up using BM as our language of communication.

Every time we spoke to each other, my relatives would go like "Eh, you orang Melayu ka? Can speak English or Chinese to each other ah?".

But it was difficult to change :P

So until now we still communicate in BM, but here and there there would bound to be some mixture of English, Cantonese and Hokkien :D 

Typical Malaysian :)

Oh ya, moreover, I was the only Moral student in my class and even the other 8 Moral students in my batch used BM as their main language too.

My school was really into "Bahasa Jiwa Bangsa".

Anyone that said a single word in English would be teased and it goes like this - "Eleh, speaking speaking pula!"

So that was primary school.

No doubt the BEST primary school ever, despite it being in a kampung and most of the students were not great achievers back then and are extremely naughty.

Oh, and my school was beside a Muslim graveyard so we got to watch Muslim funeral and how they bury the body live!

& morning school is not very fun when your class is on the top floor and right at the back.

They don't on the building lights in the morning and when you reach early and you wanna put your bag in class before assembly, you just gotta take the risk!

This involves a lot of imagination and RUNNING.

Anyway, back to the main point - Mandarin.

Then when I went to secondary school, got to mix with some English speaking pupils from other primary school and my secondary school life was basically 60% English and 40% BM.

I actually tried telling a short story in Mandarin when I was in Form 3 but a short story ended up being super long and draggy.

After that I gave up trying to speak Mandarin.

It was really tiring to try to even pronounce the word properly.

And then there is so much translation that had to be done in my mind before speaking.

I just couldn't make it.

The worst part was that due to the difficulty, all my sentences did not have expressions.

When I spoke in Mandarin, I became an expressionless freak.

Cannot.

So just live with English and BM.

BM was the easiest to express my feelings.

Words that would come out of my mouth when I am:

Angry - Babi

Sad - Babi

Jealous - Babi

Disappointed - Babi

Basically the word Babi (pig) can be used for nearly every feeling and occasions. 

For English, most of my peers used the F word but I always stick to my principle of never using the F word.

I don't really like people using that word but I am not against people using it.

Then finally I graduated from SPM and went into TAR College which I did not see a Chinese Tsunami ahead.

The reason I chose TARC was because of the reasonable fees as I was not sure what I wanted to study.

& I had limited time to think as I was chosen for the second batch of National Service and would not be in KL to do any application.

So after NS, I went straight into TARC and everyone around me started speaking Mandarin like no ones business.

I was like "Babi, where am I?".

Most of the time I felt discriminated and thus I isolate myself.

I actually went back and cried during the first few semesters.

Okay, when I say first few, I meant first and second semester.

The frequency and lifestyle was soooooooo different that I felt that I was the weird one.

To make it worse, we had so many group assignments and during discussions, my teammates would all speak in Mandarin and I would not understand what they are trying to discuss about and I would just sit and do nothing.

The worst was when we had this subject called Entrepreneurship and we were suppose to come up with a business proposal and we were discussing on creating a new product.

Teammates actually presented their ideas in Mandarin and I don't know what the heck product it was and how does it function.

LOL.

Of course I did not withdraw from my course just because there was a language barrier.

Instead, I took it as a challenge.

It wasn't an immediate decision because at first I was an extremist in the "ANTI-MANDARIN ACT".

I hated people who speaks Mandarin.

I hated typical Chinese.

I hated when people spoke Mandarin in front of me.

How they laughed at me because I am English educated.

But bla bla bla..

That is what all or maybe most of the English educated students will go through in TARC, unless you get a gang that is all English educated.

But then your life wouldn't be as challenging as the ones that suffered like me! :D

It would definitely be the same if you were to get offered a job to work in China, Hong Kong, Korea, Japan or even France.

They are proud of their national language they don't give a damn who you are or where you are from.

You don't speak my language, you don't talk to me.

Going into TARC is basically the same as stepping into a foreign country, at least for me.

But anyway, it is a good experience to be put in a place where you are actually forced or pressure-driven to learn a new language.

I actually took up Mandarin for Beginners classes.

TARC offers it at a lower price compared to other institutions.

So, no harm trying it out :)

For beginners, it was more towards listening and speaking skills rather than writing and reading.

For now I can understand normal conversations and speak Mandarin but with limited vocabulary.

But as long as I am still breathing, I am still learning :)

At times I still feel like an outcast when everyone speaks Mandarin but I ignore the want to be in isolation again.

I just try my best to understand what is going on and act and think positively :)

Now I can actually read and write a little bit.

Not much but it still is a milestone.

Sometimes when I go for karaoke sessions, I can read from the screen and sing instead of memorizing although memorizing is much simpler.

Oh btw, singing Mandarin songs do help too at times.

Unless you are singing JJ Lin's songs because some of his lyrics are quite poetic?

I don't know, but there is this one song of his where I actually learnt how to sing it in early secondary school and was able to memorize the whole song but I only got to know the meaning of the lyrics last year.

If you ask me, I did not regret going to TARC.

Helped me learn a new language and meet different types of people.

Can you live in TARC without Mandarin?

Of course you can.

If you do not want to learn Mandarin and want to stick to your principle of Mandarin is useless, I'd rather stick with using English only.

Then go ahead.

There is no harm to that too.

But you are losing a great chance to learn.

Why not make all the mistakes you can make in college, get laughed at in college rather than losing an opportunity to work in China because you don't know Mandarin?

Internship has also gave me a chance to put into practice what I have learnt throughout my Diploma years.

No, I am not talking about Accounting wise.

I am talking about my Mandarin.

I actually spoke Mandarin during my internship with my other intern friends and some did not even know I was an English educated person until someone told them!

Cool eh?

Another milestone achieved!

And don't get fooled by people that tell you students in other universities and colleges in Malaysia uses English more than Mandarin.

Most of the Chinese in other colleges uses Mandarin as well.

But that does not mean they are not good in English.

In conclusion, don't let the environment break you, instead, use it to build you.

Btw, nowadays I don't use the word Babi that often, I have changed it to Sambal Belacan.

Sorry pigs, for using you all these years.

Distractions.

The main reason I turned my computer on was to watch Escape Plan.
I on my computer at 10+ and now it is 12.40am and I have not even searched for the movie yet.
Even watch movie also slack.

Anyway, I've decided not to skip classes to go Johor.

& I know I have been delaying my posts :\
Too many holidays make people lazy :D
& hungry?

Have been eating a lot lesser this Chinese New Year compared to last year?
Why?
Because last year CNY I was in Penang.
Penang is basically a food paradise.
How can you not eat like a pig there?

And so, I spent CNY in KL which is the least "lau juak" place in Malaysia.
Everyone basically go back to their hometown but hey, KL is my hometown :D
I don't need to balik kampung, I am in my kampung everyday :D

BUT, boring.
See North, see South, see East, see West, all also everyday see.
Nothing new.
Nothing interesting.

Except the part where I get to meet my relatives, both mum side and dad side.
Basically CNY was so so.

No pictures this CNY. *facepalm

Too lazy to even snap pictures.

Back to college tomorrow.
Alone?
Maybe.

Coming soon

"The measure of intelligence is the ability to change"

- Albert Einstein

I will be writing regarding "How I survived throughout college life without the use of the mainstream language" and "Highlights of college" soon.

Probably when I get back from Setapak on Wednesday.

But for now, super duper busy with assignments, tutorial homework and lots of classes :\

& still thinking if I should skip the whole CNY week.

Sigh.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

QOTD:

"Beauty is not a size. So just beYOUtiful."

Recently, the pessimist side of me seems to be overpowering the optimist side.

I kept thinking "I can't" instead of "Sure can!".

Impossible instead of I'm possible.

It is very very disturbing, the fact that things don't turn out the way I want them to be.

& it is as if I am trying very hard to chase after the topics the lecturers are teaching in college.

On top of that, I am trying to work out a balanced lifestyle where I don't regret my college life because this is my final semester and of course. I would like to spend more time with my college friends and at the same time try to score in my studies.

Have been doing too much of "play hard" and no "study hard" for the past I don't know, since college life started? LOL.

Honestly, last semester was considered my most "rajin" semester.

Good thing about staying in PV is that:

1. I got more time to study.

2. I got no laptop to sit in front of and "blanked" at.

3. I can't sing and waste time

4. Housemates pressure!

All of the above contributes wholly and exclusively to my "rajinness".

HAHA.

Anyway, I realized that recently I have been grumbling, rambling, complaining and being very negative about everything around me.

Nothing can ever seem to please me :(

Thursdays are suppose to be the best day for this whole semester but recently luck is not on my side.

Well, I guess we have no fate :(

I'll see you when I see you?

Gahhhhhhh!

Trying to be positive.

This week is quite productive, in sports wise.

Went to gym on Tuesday evening and swam 6 laps on Wednesday evening.

The weather on Wednesday was freezing cold!

Strong wind, no sun.

The water was so cold that even though we have been inside for one hour, I was still shivering.

But am proud of my determination to improve stamina and of course lose weight for the coming CNY!

If only reducing fats were as easy as gaining them.

I was happily crunching on lotsa food and snacks last year while studying for finals and ACCA external exam.

& now I see the impact.

Gonna try my best to try to reduce what is possible and maintain :D

There is so many things I wanna do but do not have the time to do it :(

I need to PRIORITIZE.

Ahhh, less than 3 more months to complete Advance Diploma.

Why so fastttttt!

I am so not ready to step into the corporate world yet.

There is so much that I yearn to learn before I can start to earn.

Imustinthefuturebephilanthropic :)

Unexplainable.

Not affecting the peace.

Instead, it adds more beats :)

Still a Wonderwoman no matter what you say!

One last word lifter:

"When you start losing pace, look back at things that inspired you to make your first step."

I don't need a ninja suit, all I need is internet.

Did some moderate amount of stalking looking through someone's Facebook profile tonight.
And, stalking it is not an easy task.
Like seriously.
You gotta load from the beginning of the year that person joined Facebook and read every single post.
At first I was about to give up but then the posts got more and more interesting.
It was really entertaining.
Not kidding.
Study smart, not study hard.
& more tips to get good marks for P papers :D

Read 2 years of updates and I finally give up.
Too lazy to keep clicking the load moreeeeee.
GAH!
Will continue next time when I have more free time.
Would probably get shooting for doing this instead of looking at annual reports for Gamuda & IJM :\

How can it be that behind the suit and tie is a damn funny and flexible person?
Jokes all the way.
Entertainment non stop.
Oh, and a lot of food in between.

Okay, enough of stalking for the night.

*Thinking should I still eat the burger :\ It is 11.40pm btw.

I think I shouldn't.
Or should I?
Hmm..
Already ate one burger in the afternoon.
Should I eat another one as supper?
Gosh, tempting.
Okay, I shouldn't.

Blinded by love.

Far beyond my imagination,
You are no where near my expectation.

Your life value supersedes and overrules your physical appearance
& your knowledge is a charm to all your audience.

You make me nervous when I look at you and you look back at me.
But when you smile at me, I'm totally bedazzled by thee.

Life would be amiss now without having you.
It might just be a matter of time before I find a replacement of you.

Written by Felicia Kok 

Things to learn.

Quoted from the Secret Life of Walter Mitty:

"Beautiful things don't seek attention"

& the lesson to learn from the movie:

Stop dreaming and start living.