Im So Nervous!!
-.-ll

Im scared!!
tis coming saturday is sport's day...3 competition!!
1-kawad pps...muz win!!
2-running 4x100m...erm..tis wan got chance gua xD
3-running 400m...lose oso nvm larh...anyway no chance oso...enter for fun xD

plan plan plan...after sports day go BB?? tired lerh...next week exam lurr!! T.T havent study yet..i duno how i m going to fail!! xD
teruk larh tis time...no time to study...
today NOT suppose to stay bck but i stupidly went n stayed bck...wanted to watch brig they all practise drama but end up sleeping by de side xD xD
damn tired larh!!
still got physics report to do..n i have no idea how to do it!
Argh!! don und addmaths!! n also chem!!
haiz...

Finally my inspiration is back again xD xD
I'm so happy...i thought my talent was lost forever!! argh!! damn happy!
So heres my first poem after recovery xD xD
I have no idea wat title to put...any suggestion??
So here it goes...

Hiding everything from the world in front of me
Not knowing that it is getting worser day by day
Faking a smile and hiding a tear
Hoping that it will get better the day after today
Forgetting is hard
Forgiving is not
Breaking is easy
Fixing is not
Laying down my head to go to my dreams
Only to wake up and know that its fantasy
My heart smiles when i meet you eye to eye
My brain freezes when a word comes from you
A secret will remain a secret
Until one day it will not remain a secret
The day will come for us to know
That everything was just a ticket
A ticket to grow and finally know
That friendship and love will finally glow

Nice marh?? xD xD

Today went SS...it was quite fun...sat in de std6 clazz cos our clazz they use to watch video...anyway...today's topic was injustice...its injustice rite not unjustice...
sir nelson ask us to giv example of injustice in our life...so i said families...parents dat r sumtimes berat sebelah...they pilih kasih...no one else talked bout family except me...
it was weird...dat he kip questioning me bout y i said parents...
everytime he call names follow register...he wont rmmbr me!! argh!! he kip asking whether im Francis's daughter..everytime oso ask...he miss my bro ( anak tauke babi =x )
haha...last year's confirmation camp xD xD

I duno wat to think about now...everythin seem to be going wrong...
I love myself..but everything dat is happening to me make me kinda hate myself...
What i wan i wil nvr get but wat i don wan wil always b there...even if i rely hate it!!
Can a relationship b save if everyday they fight??
how does their loved ones feel when they c dem fight?
wil their hearts b broken if they rely split??
don they care bout wat others think?
wat can others do to avoid arguement n bickering?


Is divorce a common thing in this era??
have u ever met sumone with divorced parents?
how were their reactions when their parents got divorce?
how, as a fren..how did u make them happy?
did u lend them ur shoulder or juz left them alone?
r they happy now?
or still in pain?
r u a gud fren?
how gud r u to ur fren?
were u there when they were sad?


R u in love now?
DO u love ur family?
ur frens?
a special person?
how does it feel if they ignore u?
or betray u?
treating u lik u r sumone useless...
not knowing dat they mean a lot to u...
hurtin u lik a thousand time...
when ur heart sumhow juz cant take it no more...
letting it all go in tears...
wishing she was on de mountain screaming out all she cud..


Can a normal human being juz fail in everythin??
Love..
studies..
family...
bizness...
frens???
how perfect can a human b?
can a human b hepi every single second?
wil wealth bring u happiness??
or wil ur loved ones bring u joy??
wil u ever forget de person u forgive?
How does it feel when sumone stab ur bck?
how does it feel when sumone breaks ur heart?
how does it feel when sumone says they hate u?
izit possible dat u wil forgive n also forget?
Y do humans cry?
when u r happy, u cry...
when u r sad, u cry...
how do u know whether dat person is happy or sad?
can crying help u solve every prob u face?
y muz probs n circumstances exist in a human being's life?
wil there b life after death?
y r some ppl so racism?
y do v have diff religions?
don everyone come from de same way?

LYING!!
Y do ppl lie?
it is a sin to lie..but y ppl still do it?
sum ppl juz don do wat they say..
once ppl told me dat watever u say, u muz do..
but wat i realise was...in reality no one follows dat...
u say n den u forget...


i once had de power to c things in my dream...my mum once hid a secret from me...den one nite i dreamed bout it n asked her de next morning...she was shocked dat i knew it...i told her i dreamt bout it...
but a few years later i stop dreaming bout things lik dat...i thought my life was gonna b perfect...
now i wish i cud dream of things dat i rely wish to know..i m rely curious of wat my life is gonna b when im an adult...wil i still b alive til 21??
those questions running in my head!! everytime i lay my head on de pillow...all thoughts come rushing to my mind!! everytime im walking alone after BB...de same thing happen...

Happy thoughts..where r u??

Family Prayer

God our loving Father
Bless our families with a sense of responsibility
That each one of us may do our part
In making our family a home church
As the holy family at Nazareth
Like Nazareth, may it be a center of faith, hope and love
A home of prayer, peace and commitment to your kingdom
Guide our lives
Direct our steps
And sustain in all our undertakings
Lord, we ask u to bless our every endeavour
To evangelise ourselves and your people
As we journey in brotherhood and love
May we like St Peter
Inspite of our limitations
Remain a faithfull companion and witness to Jesus
In confidence, we earnestly entrust to you
The trials, affliction, joys and events of our family life

When You Love Sumone

When you love someone so deep inside,
It seems like it's so easy to hide.
You've loved him for so very long,
You would think he could do no wrong.

Every day you would hope and pray,
That he would always stay this way.
He treated you like you should be treated,
You thought your life was finally completed.

You thought your love was growing true,
And then one day it was all so blue.
He started putting you down and it hurt,
You thought all you were to him was dirt.

He started ignoring you and you wondered why,
All you wanted to do was curl up and die.
You thought your relationship would never end,
But that was all so fake and pretend.

One night he was so sweet to you,
You thought all those things were maybe untrue,
Two days later he was back the same,
You thought you were the one to blame.

He thought the relationship was getting too serious
And that you had become a little too curious.
By this time you knew it wouldn't last,
All the nice things he said were in the past.

You thought that you would marry him some day,
But this time God wanted to get his way.
You wanted things back how they were before,
But you knew this couldn't happen anymore.

It was a Saturday night about ten o'clock,
You heard the news and it wasn't a shock.
You knew this was going to happen soon,
As you laid there and cried in the pale lit moon.

Now it has become a very huge issue for me in skol...every single fren of mine trying to protect me from any danger dat approach me...lik im a God! jkjk ...im a special fren...

Haha...bodyguards here n there, surrounding me...wah...its so funny larh....pls cut out de act..it wont work...lolx...anyway thanks a lot for always being by my side n helping me out for everything...
special thx to all de guys! xD

ze, kex, jy, bj....eventually ks knows bout it @.@ blurr!! xD
Brigss too!! haha...she sacrificed her eye-seeing time to help me avoid ehem ehem...omgosh i cant blieve tis is happening in skol!! xD

Brigs + Sumthing Wrong??!!
Sumthing's wrong wit her!! xD
Brigs + Function??
lolx...
Brigs + L??
Hello...he's mine...
Brigs + KB??
Erm...not interested!! wakaka

Me + pinky??
Damn...he's taken xD xD
anyway..jk nia...xD

rely love my frenz a lot!! Brigs rely lik sumthing wrong larh!!
She's so in lurve with him...cant believe it!! she don even talk to him....she looks so cute when she c him den she get so excited...

Last year was pavi...being all over de coconut tree!! xD
dat was a real joke larh...she kip chging target lik chging her clothes -.-ll

I cant forget today recess larh...its so so funny....it all happened so fast i didn't even haf time to realise wat was rely happening...haha...

I guess de same thing wil b happening next mon, tue, wed, thurs, fri....yea n so on...til everything is over xD
haha...i rely hope it ends lik tmr xD xD

[[*Betrayal / Bei Pan*]]

Yu bu ting luo xia lai
Hua zen mo dou bu kai
Jin guo wo xi xin guan gai
Ni shuo bu ai jiu bu ai
Wo yi ge ren
Xin shang bei ai

Ai zhi sheng siu wu nai
Wo yi zhi bu yuan zai qu cai
Gang qin shang hei jian zhi jian
Yong yuan dou jia zhi kong bai
Que le yi kuai
Jiu bu jing cai


Chorus:
Jin jin xiang yi de xin ru he say goodbye
Ni bi wo qing chu hai yao wo shuo ming bai
Ai tai shen hui rang ren feng kuang de yong gan
Wo yong bei pan zi ji
Wan cheng ni de qi pan
Ba shou fang kai bu wen yi ju say goodbye
Dang zuo zui hou yi ci dui ni de ni ai
Leng leng qing qing dan dan jin hou dou bu guan
Zhi yao ni neng yu kuai


Xin you yi ju gan kai
Wo hai neng gou gen shei dui bai
Zai ni guan shang men zhi qian
Ti wo zai hui tou kan kan
Na xie pian duan
Hai zai bu zai

Today's schedule was real tight...
In de morning went for church den SS den my grandma's hse...
den rush home to go for cpt ball practise...
haiz...tiring larh..

Ytd one of my fren ask me...y ur blog got so much secrets...when in skol u don even talk bout it..
My reply to her was...its not a secret actually...im a kind of gurl dat if u don ask i wont tell...cos i know being sad at sumthing is rely a waste of time...today in church i learnt dat in life there is no PAUSE button...so live it to de fullest if can...who knows tmr u mite not b alive anymore...

I went to my grandma's hse today...she told me n my mum everything dat happen to her n her siblings....i felt sad at dat moment..haiz...all tis while i duno wat happened to them larh...haiz...

Well...don care larh....another thing to fan about...my church!! haiz...black n white...wats dat larh???
haiz...u don let me join church games juz cos of dat?? haiz...de story began 2 years ago...i wasn't chosen for de church netball group...was kinda disapointed...de reason - cos im short!!
den one day tis women in de group fell n hurt her leg...she was badly injured so i was in de group larh...so since den almost everyday v had practises...played at nite....even when de sun wasn't up...was a tiring week b4 de games...
so den came de real game...everyone joyfully entered de bus to go to seremban if im not mistaken...so v reach de place...found a nice seat for all de supporters n players...
game after game started n ended...i was all de while sitting in de supporters seat when my name was in de players list...all de while i was thinking when do i get to play den sudd de coach called my name...felicia go in n play....so den i happily walk in de court n started playing...trying to play my best din care about any injuries i mite face ahead....there was it...v won dat game...den again i was in de supporters seat again...waiting for my second turn...when there wasn't even another turn for me...stupidly waiting for sumthing dat wasn't even there....haiz...
den when i return home i told my mum everything...actually i din mind dat i only played half a game although there was lik 7 games if im not mistaken...but sumhow deep in my heart there was tis not satisfied feeling...my mum she influence me telling...yea larh all oh hia...where wil let us play de...all also their own ppl play de larh...den since den in church i have tis hatred towards dem...i duno y...since den i seldom go for netball practises...haiz...i duno y all her words seem to have a lot of effect towards me..haiz...den now de thing dat i fan about iss....sandra ask me wanna enter netball or football for goodwill games...my interest is surely in netball but i know eventhough my name wil b in de player list but surely wont get to play...cos i havent grow an inches since de last time...so i only can enter football...haiz...im so confused larh....my mum encourages me more to join BB activities den my church activities...church too many conflict jorh...haiz..

My life is now at a junction...its whether go left which means making my own decision or right which is my parents' decision...i have too many choices in life making me feel lik sumthin without an option is way better!! haiz...decisions make me confuse...

I duno y every sat after come bck from BB sure very hepi de...
=D

Hmm...review review....
Today went n do de uniform...
Haha...hui min belanje jelly xD xD
Den damn funny larh...her first jelly fell on de floor...lolx...
den she went n bought another one...den fell again xD xD
Den she malu to go buy another one...ask me to go buy for her...
luckily de third n fourth wan nvr fall xD xD
So long larh for de man to finis taking all de ukuran...gals first ma..den v all waited lorh...
Den Jason's fren ask me how old am i...i said form 1...den he ask me y so short worh..
if i say i f4 den ma cham..haha...
den another jason ask me y my english so gud..
dat time in front of sk bt 9 ma...den i ma say lorh...i went to a very gud skol...dats y my english so gud...
den he ask me wat skol...den i pointed to de skol larh...den he ask me...dat skol not haunted wan meh...
den i say yea larh....i went to a gud skol...de ghost taught me eng dats y so gud...
Dat joke was dumb n lame larh...not even funny...

Anyway...went bck to church time...LUCKILY i din run man...haha...all those dat ran bck kene pumping...hui min n i was nicely walking bhind!! lolx...n because of dat v din kene denda...wakaka...

Aiya missed squad activity again!! wat larh...thought today ok larh...can join...haiz...nvm larh...
today no rush cos my dad got dinner to attend...den after dismiss gave present time xD xD

Den walk bck T.T
duno y today i walk damn slow larh...haha

Omgosh these few days in skol is soooo chaotic!!
i remember one day...b4 recess had bio den english...she left de BKK in de lab...omgosh...
den when last period which is addmaths, en remi(discipline teacher) time den oni she remember...den dat time i wanted to go to de water closet larh...den v went to de lab...anyway alfa was in there...lolx...brig was finding for de BKK..den v went to Beta...to find my pants cos sumone borrowed it for sesi fotografi....den i went to de water closet...den went to chem lab to ask for chem teacher's signature...den rushed up bck to addmaths clazz...dat time all de f2 coming in d...so shifted clazz to 5 kreatif...omgosh dat was rely rely tiring...den i sit alone T.T den cm came n sit wit me...lolx...den not lonely liao...

sumore wat happen arh...hmm...nth larh...cant recall bck anything...

btw, i cant make up my mind larh...go for which?
skol or BB sports day??
my mum n teacher say its lik once in a lifetime to go for de price giving day...n BB sports day is lik once in a year...xD
how larh??
both clashing larh de time T.T
i oso think dat price giving for PMR result is lik once in a lifetime larh...
haiz...
but i wanna go for de sports day too....

Frenz Forever..

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives,
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25.
I keep thinking times will never change,
Keep on thinking things will always be the same.
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back,
No more hanging out because were on a different track.
And if you got something that you need to say,
You better say it right now because you don't have another day.

Because we're moving on and we cant slow down.
These memories are playing like a film without sound.
And I keep thinking of that night in June,
I didn't know much of love but it came too soon.
And there was me and you and well we got real blue,
Stay at home talking on the telephone, with me,
We'd get so excited and we'd get so scared,
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair

So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money,
When we look back now will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school,
Still be trying to break every single rule?
Will little brainy Pavi be the astrounat girl?
Can Hema find a job dat makes her smile everytime?
I keep, keep thinking that it's not goodbye,
Keep on thinking its our time to fly,

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end,
And suddenly it's like we're women and men.
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us round,
Or will these memories fade when I leave this town?
I keep, keep thinking that its not goodbye,
Keep on thinking its our time to fly.

And this is how it feels

As we go on,
We remember,
All the times we,
Had together,
And as our lives change,
from whatever,
We will still be
Friends Forever

Haiz...
today valentines day....

anyway, i regreted coming online ytd!!
haiz...stupid larh....
T.T

De feeling of guiltiness after rejecting is much worser den knowing dat sumone v lik, lik sumone else...haiz...
i duno wat he's thinking larh...haiz...eventhough i don lik u...juz accept larh...
at least i still reply ur sms rite...unlike sumone i know...
haiz...
y cant v juz b frens??
is it so hard arh??
normal frens r still cool ok...
v can hang out together larh...
haiz...
even b4 this happen v were frens...its ok wat...haiz...now wat am i suppose to do?

Aiyo don wan think so much but haiz...duno larh...trying to forget bout it..

De journey to penang wassssss............kinda fun...xD xD

Started at 5am...was sleeping de whole way til v reach setapah...or setapak ??
haha...den my dad went to de *water closet*...others were in de car...i was nicely sleeping til my mum woke me up...saying look at de cat in de car next door..omg de cute was ssssoooo cute man!!
Den continued de journey...fell asleep again...den .......de tire puncture -.-ll
wth....stop de car...den called de AAM ppl...den de AAM ppl ask to call de PLUS fella...haiz..den call de PLUS fella lorh...den ok jorh...continued de journey...

Stop at sumwhere near JAwi to chg de tire...wasted a lot of time!!
Den oni reach...haiz....

Haiz..misses de prayer..only get to eat xD xD
my fav hobby other den sleeping..lolx...

Today damn funny larh...after recess i went crazy d..started taking de laughing pill...everyone went crazy...during maths i sat with hema..kip comparing tis n dat xD den after dat had physics...teacher ask to do exercise in de exercise book...den i open de book n think...wat i forgot??
i think i forgot my pencil box..was thinking where was it?? i told hema dat i left it in de maths room...haha...went n find in my bag but i rmmbr dat i din even put it in de bag...den hema walked to her bag n return wit MY PENCIL BOX in her hands!! xD xD
Den de whole crazy thing started larh...tis angela larh..wats wit de pink pills gal?? since when u started kipping it??!! kesian ginny larh..haiz...
den brig started larh wit her exercise book...buku bersenam..hema was blur but den later her exercise book started exercising xD xD
dat was funny larh....den wit de water part....duno wat to say...haha...de whole physics time was damn damn funny larh...den when going bck time ask teacher to do correction on de test paper...den i ask paste in which book..den sudd he say maths 2..im lik teacher err v r studying physics...den he sudd say...alamak saya dah gila??!!!
omgosh...he called himself gila...den he say...ye larh...mcm mane x gilar...ajar maths, addmaths nagn physics...haiz...

haha...duno larh...even de teachers r crazy!!

Think back wat happen today...hmm..
Morning nth happen larh...yor these few days oways de fon wake me up de...haiz...
Went for cpt ball today...physical training less jorh geh...y lerh??
Yor de place there so slippery larh...oways feel lik slipping xD
Erm..yor..everytime oso kene rain wan...
Havent even enter de hse..kene tegur d...he says..
He: Woi y nvr answer ur hp arh??
Me: I so wet how to answer de hp??
He: I'm calling u now...answer ur hp..
Me: I'm so wet how to answer de fon??
He: Y din u call me to pick u up?
Me: For wat wanna call u...my fren n i walk home together ma...

Haiz...dat time i was juz opening de damn gate lerh...haiz...oso kene marah d...yor yor yor...hate it lorh..
After dinner...str8 stat doin hm...argh!! so much hm...siao d...everyone oso rushing to finis it...cm damn blur larh...all de hm oso duno de...den sumore don wan ask -.- haiz...luckily at 1030 finis jorh =D
dat time feel damn relieve...yer...next week no BB...no cpt ball training...haiz...go penang...but no angpau oso de...haiz...

no new clothes not fun larh...damn tired larh...im so in de holiday mood jorh...no mood to study!!

haiz...same thing happen again...rush rush rush!! haiz...every week miz squad activity lerh...haiz...dats de nicest part...cos get to fool around...ish..rushing to go bck til boots oso forgot to take...swts larh...haiz...today drill time kene rain den go church time oso kene rain...wat larh...at nite so so tired lerh...haha...hepi hepi hepi..duno y lerh...wakakakakakaka...

Drill time damn funny larh...i duno y...today whole day kip laughing...tie shoe lace time oso kip laughin..haha...aiya...din stay til dismiz...thought wanna pay lois de *kaching kaching* haha...sien larh....sleepy!!!

today mass i rmmbr wat de father say...talk bout de 8 beatitudes...he repeated wat v learned in BB last few weeks ago...wah sien lorh...listen to de same thing...haha..

Haiz...today damn stupid larh....haiz...wat larh...de stupid minyak angin kene curi...wei ape larh...dat oso wanna curi arh...stupid....they r born stupid...wat to do =x

Den when wanna lock bilik rawatan suddenly inside got ppl geh...so menyusahkan wan -.-ll haiz...sibuk oni...who de heck let them in larh...sumore today finish skol late...hafta rush...den write note for pn jaclyn lor...duno whether v wil kene marah or not...or mayb only me wil kene marah...stupid larh...haiz...so now juz can wait n c wat happens tomoro...haiz...

Tmr muz go open de door...den wait for de petugas...haiz...

Skipped sj n bm..n also bi..wah damn nice man...haha...in bilik rawatan time...kc kene tegur..wat love sick all...haha...damn funny larh...den tk say sy giv one kiz den ok jorh...den pn chng say after giv one kiz den he bcome dad jor xD xD so wat larh...