Monday, September 14, 2009

Never thought an emo post would ever appear in my blog again.
Budak kks di sini.
Ya, aku, seorang budak kks.
Setiap kali aku seorang diri.
Setiap kali sebelum ku melelapkan mataku untuk menerajui mimpi ku yang ingin ku kecapi.
The things and thoughts that appear in my mind..
The times when we wake up early in the morning just to get ready for swimming lessons.
Those evenings when we would go swimming together.
Those evenings after mass when we would stop by at McD to get dinner.
Those evenings when we would play badminton outside our house.
Those times when we played football and I never scored any.
Those times when we were in the playground.
The nights when we would be fighting and playing.
But all these memories often gets cloudy...
Then the image of when I was sent out for doing a silly mistake.
The image when I was asked to sleep outside when I called him stupid.
The times where both of them would argue and we had to sit in front of them and watch.
The times when you spoke words that would break my heart and I tried my very best to not break down in front of you.
The endless nights that I spent weeping.
The days when I get scolding for something I did not do wrong.
All of these would take over my view..

I miss the days when I was loved.
I miss the days when we would turn on the video player and sang karaoke together.
I miss the days when all of you would scold the elders because they made me cry.
I miss the days when all of you would visit my house and stayed and made me smile.
The holidays which I always waited for.
I use to jump for joy everytime I met all of you.
But now I just wanna run away when it's time to meet all of you.

I wonder why man and woman that do not love each other decides to get married and let their children suffer when the word 'divorce' comes out from their mouth.
The way they ask their children to choose whether to go with the mum or with their dad.
The way the woman says how regretful she is for having her children or even getting married.
The way the man treats outsiders better than his own family.
After 16 years of being alive.
I've never seen the man hugged the woman.
Sometimes I wonder how did they get attached?
Was it arranged?
The way the woman would say, grow up little one, for I am here only for you. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here.
Those words are words that stab the heart of a little kid.
Build the wound that once was never there.
Never to be sealed, not even a chance.
A stab after another was made.
How strong can the little one be?
It has been 2 years altogether.
How long more can it last?
Maybe another they say.
I dream for another 100 years.
If only my dream would ever come true, If only my prayers were answered.
I would never look back at this nightmare.
A song that would sumarize all of the above..

Lay a whisper on my pillow..
Leave the winter on the ground..
I wake up lonely with air of silence..
In the bedroom and all around..

Touch me now..
I close my eyes..
And dream away..

It must have been LOVE..
But it's OVER now..
It must have been GOOD..
But I LOST it somehow..
It must have been LOVE..
But it's OVER now..
From the moment we touched till the time had run out..

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