Thursday, October 21, 2010


I'm basically going through a lot of ups and downs.

I feel joy and happiness when I'm in college. I don't rush for assignments in college or even feel frustrated when I'm in college.

Today I did my individual presentation.
Glad the lecturer liked it.
I do not want to elaborate about it cause I know I am the only one feeling happy about it and nobody gives a damn.
I love to be first.
I wanna be first.
I hope to be first.
I wanna be original.

Currently rushing for assignments, next week's homeworks.
Just to study for exam next week.
Yes, this is an idiot here, typing away in not
realising that she is wasting her precious time blogging instead of getting those things done to spare time to study.

This semester, I find that I can't really absorb what I learn in college.
Most of the time, I feel tired and exhausted.
All I want to do is sleep in the lecture hall where there is aircond.
I'm so tired.
I'm tired of thinking.
I'm tired of trying to manage my time.
I'm tired of serving others.
I need time for myself.

I realise that I do not camwhore anymore.
It is because of maturity?
I do not look at myself in the mirror anymore.
Is it because of low self esteem?
I do not dress to impress anymore.
Is it because I am not happy with who I am?
I do not like myself anymore.
I feel like a directionless person.
Not knowing what I want and where I want to go.
I often say yes to anything.
I often say I don't know to any question.


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